Chapter on turning my volume up
You may have heard murmurs of me in the past. Even though you couldn’t hear me properly you still followed through on exactly what I told you to do. It was probably that time you saw that person you were attracted to and wanted to say something. But I told you to shut the fuck up. They would not be interested in a schmuk like you. I may have dissed your appearance, your personality or just told you that whatever you were about to say would come out wrong.
You listened to me didn’t you? See how I look after you? I protect you from all those embarrassing situations you could fall in to. It’s a minefield out there.
I want the murmurs you hear from me to be actual words. Bring me to the forefront. I love being in the forefront. You always keep me locked up in your mind and body and never let me out. I’m your dirty little secret and I’m fed up. Bring me to the forefront and make my voice audible. Get to hear what I am saying. You know I say things to you like:
You’re not good enough
You can’t do that
You will look stupid
Get back in to your place
No one likes you
You’re a dickhead
I thought you would like the last one!
Now, usually you won’t hear the words so clearly. But, upon reflection, these are the words I have been using to talk to you. I’ve been getting away with it for ages. I just diss you, get no response but I get the desired result. Perfect.
But to be honest I’ve been getting quite bored recently. It seems like I’ve been getting away with blue murder.
So for the purposes of this chapter I want you to HEAR ME. Bring the words I am saying to you to the forefront of your mind. This way we can start having some proper discussions. OK? Trust me. It is getting so boring telling you what to do and watching you doing it. Get a backbone for fucks sake.
Tips for bringing me to the forefront are simple.
Every time you beat yourself up about something that you did, or didn’t do, then that’s me.
When you’re feeling like shit because you’re analysing how you behaved about something then that’s me talking.
Put in to words what I am saying and if you like, you can write it down. Can you do that for me? I would be ever so thankful. Cheers dickhead.